Whether in a relationship for as long as 30 years or as little as 1 day, infidelity is a concern for almost every couple. Infidelity is classified as being unfaithful to a partner or lying behind their back despite a commitment made to each other, and while there are many types of infidelity, the two most people commonly worry about are sexual and emotional infidelity. Even in couples with a more open approach to sex and love, cheating and lying can still occur, driving a rift between once trusting partners. How do you know if your spouse is cheating and quell (or confirm) the fears?
With infidelity being one of the most cited reasons for divorce, it’s no wonder so many people are concerned. We sat down with attorney Misty Hardison, an expert on family law and divorce, to explore why people cheat, how to spot the signs, and what you can do if you suspect infidelity in your marriage.
What to Know About Whether or Not Your Spouse is Cheating
What’s your experience with this topic in your day-to-day work as an attorney?
This topic comes up daily in my practice. Unfortunately, it is all too common and in the world of the internet and various apps it makes cheating much easier. With the click of the button, you can engage another person immediately. Sadly, many of my clients have been cheated on over the years.
Why do spouses cheat?
In my opinion, most people cheat to cover up an insecurity or in an attempt to gain some sort of validation that they do not feel they are receiving their marriage. Oftentimes, I think the thrill of a new person leads a person to believe all their problems would be solved in a new relationship when in reality that is never the case. It is true some people may cheat simply for the sex, by I often find it is rooted in something much deeper that may have to do with things unrelated to their spouse.
What are the top indicators that someone’s spouse may be cheating on them?
- Sudden weight loss or obsession with working out
- Keeping their cell phone under tight grip
- Coming home later than usual on a much more regular basis
- Withdrawing any sort of affection
- Becoming overly argumentative over simple issues
- Coming with an excuse to sleep in another bedroom if that has not been the case in prior months
Are there certain types of people (based on professions, income levels, personalities, etc.) who cheat more than others?
Cheating can happen regardless of income or lifestyle, but there are certainly some careers that make it easier to do. Spouses that travel frequently for work for instance have far more opportunity to cheat than spouses who don’t. It’s a lot easier to lie about having to go away on a business trip when you’re already going on them regularly.
This can include people like airline pilots, folks that work in sales, higher ranking medical professionals, and even people in the financial world— think real wealthy people who have the means to jump on a plane and pay for a hotel without batting an eyelash.
Is it possible to prevent cheating from happening?
If things aren’t going well in your marriage or there are trust issues between you and your partner, it is always a good idea to consider couples counseling. However, in most cases I don’t think you can stop someone from making bad decisions. I always think it is a good sign if a spouse will engage in counseling to try to address the underlying issues but all and all if someone is going to cheat there isn’t much you can do to stop it.
What recourse is there for someone who finds out their partner is cheating? What should they do?
I would set up a consultation with a lawyer before doing anything else. Save any evidence that you may have to prove the cheating. Your lawyer may advise you to hire a private investigator and can advise you on other steps to take to preserve various types of evidence. You don’t want to confront them before speaking to an attorney because they may destroy evidence or do something that you’re not prepared for.
If you need an attorney, you can schedule a consultation with Misty at (919) 787-6668 or through our website.
