Whether you and your spouse go through occasional disagreements or you’re constantly locked in heated battles, you might be causing collateral damage. Psychologists have consistently warned us about the dangers of fighting around kids, calling it a detriment to their overall mental health. As it turns out, that damage might be worse than you think.
Stop the Shouting Matches
If you’ve decided that you’ll be better off splitting up, your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer will probably advise you to keep the peace; if you can’t, at least keep it away from the kids. There are a lot of things to fight about during divorce, from property division to alimony. Shared child custody agreements mean that you’ll have to deal with your ex on a fairly regular basis.
Keeping things civil is nearly always the best tactic. That’s good advice for any pair of parents, because your kids are learning how to handle future relationships from the examples you set now.
The Emotional Damage Kids Endure from Parental Strife
Studies have shown that kids are okay seeing occasional parental arguments. Since fighting is part of normal relationships, kids can learn good strategies to work out disagreements. However, problems arise when the parents don’t resolve their conflicts (a big issue during divorce), become verbally or physically aggressive, and when the arguments revolve around the kids.
Children of all ages are affected, too—even infants can pick up on the stress their parents are feeling. As a result of unhealthy fighting, some kids:
- become aggressive
- withdraw socially, at home and in other settings
- become depressed
- suffer from anxiety
- blame themselves
Bringing Your Family Peace
Fighting around your kids within the confines of an unhappy marriage is much more damaging than divorce, according to Dr. John W. Jacobs, M.D. Your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer might suggest that you and your kids talk to a licensed counselor to help maintain their self-esteem and begin to repair the emotional trauma they’ve been through.
Even if you choose not to talk to a counselor, your kids will benefit from the reassurance that you love them. In most cases, an apology is also in order. The best practice, though, is to minimize the amount of fighting your kids have to witness.
