If you’re someone who’s ready to move on with his life, you’re facing a huge challenge: how to tell your spouse you want a divorce. It’s rarely easy, but it’s a necessary step in moving forward. You can break the news before or after you’ve talked to a Chapel Hill divorce lawyer, but you need to know that what you say—and how you say it—will get you very different results.
Don’t be Cruel
Many Chapel Hill divorce lawyers have worked with clients who have been completely blindsided by divorce. While you may think you’re doing your partner a favor by slowly distancing yourself from the relationship, you’re not. Once you’ve decided that you want a divorce, tell them. You’ll save a lot of time, heartache, and headaches and the divorce can only run more smoothly with open communication.
Finding the Right Words
Whether you’ve been married for decades or you’ve barely stopped counting the months, it’s tough to find the right words to express your feelings. Having your talking points sorted out before you even broach the subject will help smooth out the entire situation.
Try to get straight to the point. You might say, “You might have noticed that we’ve been drifting apart. This might be difficult for you, but I’ve decided that I want a divorce. I know this will be a painful process, but I believe we can work our way through it and both be happier.”
Your spouse may want to discuss the situation, ask you to reconsider or try to find out what led you to that conclusion. Answer their questions truthfully and stay calm, even if they want to fight.
Reassure them that you’ll be fair throughout the process and that you empathize with their feelings.
Remember, when you tell your partner you want a divorce, you’re setting the tone for the entire process. Prepare yourself for several possible reactions, from surprise and shock to anger or tears.
Choose Your Time Wisely
It’s best to set aside private time with your spouse to break the news. Avoid telling them when the kids are around. If possible, send your children to a trusted person’s home for a short time so they aren’t around to overhear what you’re saying. Your spouse will need time to react, and the conversation may become very emotional.
Go in with Your Eyes Open
Plan ahead for your partner’s possible reactions. You may get an earful or you may get a cold shoulder. Either way, you’ll have to stand firm and stay committed to closing the door on your marriage. It’s okay to have a lengthy discussion, but make sure you stop if the discussion ceases to be productive.
Once you’ve told your spouse you want a divorce, call your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer so they can begin working on the necessary paperwork. Your lawyer can also help you determine the best time to move out of your marital home, work out child custody arrangements and discuss property division issues you’ll need to face.
