As a parent, you understand that divorce is tough on kids. You probably want to do everything within your power to make things easier on them—and booking their schedules so they’re always busy and distracted might seem like a good idea. While the right amount of social, physical and mental activity can be good for kids during divorce, kids who have too much going on don’t have the time they need to process their feelings and begin to heal.
How Much is Too Much?
Sports, piano lessons and other structured kids’ activities are fine in moderation. If you fill every moment of free time, though, you’re asking for trouble. Most psychologists agree that overbooking your kids’ schedules comes at a high price. Not only are you rushing to make it on time to each activity, which isn’t good for kids; you’re also not giving them the time they need to just be kids or to be alone with their thoughts.
When Kids Are Too Busy
Overbooked kids might not have enough time to draw on their own creativity reserves. Research suggests that kids need to learn how to entertain themselves and develop a sense of independence. If every minute is “go, go, go,” kids don’t have time to learn who they are.
Overbooking your kids’ schedules, especially when you’re on-the-go yourself, can cause immense stress for the whole family. Couple that with your divorce and your kids might be pushed to the brink of tolerance. Some kids even suffer from depression, develop symptoms of anxiety or become socially withdrawn when they’re too busy.
Slow Down and Breathe
Of course you want to give your kids a well-rounded view of the world; what parent doesn’t? However, if you overdo it, you’re putting them in a tug-of-war with themselves. They’ll probably enjoy some or all of the activities they’re participating in, but they, like most other kids, might crave some “kid” time.
Too many activities also cuts into normal parent-child interaction, and during your divorce, they need that more than ever.
If your kids are having a hard time adjusting to their new situation, especially if your custody agreement has you shuttling them back and forth between houses, talk to your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer about taking them to see a licensed counselor or therapist in your area. Your lawyer can probably recommend a local professional who has plenty of experience dealing with kids, and that’s much more likely to help them cope than an action-packed schedule will.
