It is undisputed. Baby boomers are divorcing at an historic pace. While divorces among married couples has gone down slightly over the past twenty years, from 1990 thru 2010 it has nearly doubled for couples over the age of 50. Over 600,000 people 50 years old and older got divorced in 2010, and the rate of divorce was 2.5 times higher for those in remarriages than with people ending their first marriage. Experts conclude that more people are in a subsequent marriage by the time they attain the age of 50, and those relationships are simply less likely to last.
Several factors are contributing to the over age 50 divorce phenomena. First, people are living longer and as people grow older many grow apart. In addition, many working women are now out-earning their husbands, and as a result of this financial independence they are more likely to seek a divorce. The change in a husband and wife relationship as children grow up and leave the marital home continues to be a contributing factor in many divorces involving older couples. However, perhaps the most significant factor is the changing societal mores that is decreasing the stigma attached to getting divorced and living single.
A divorce is a stressful, traumatic and expensive proposition for any person at any age, but it provides a particularly important set of hazards and factors to consider when it involves persons over the age of 50. This article will look at several factors that are unique to a divorce involving older couples.
Impact On The Children
Couples over the age of 50 are very likely to have older children. Studies show that older children have emotional issues with divorce too. Likely, custody and visitation disputes will have a quieter tone. However, you can rest assured that many issues may still exist. Children under the age of 18 are still subject to court ordered visitation schedules, but, many 16 and 17 year olds have developed their own social lives, and commonly resist spending the weekend with dad who now lives miles away from mom, classmates and the exciting party scene. Visitation interference laws place an affirmative duty on each spouse to promote meaningful visitation by the other, and may require you to literally lock your children out of your home so that they can’t refuse to participate.
In addition, as a divorced parent of a college age child you may be compelled to pay for your son or daughter’s education even if you don’t want to. The court focuses on each parents’ ability to pay and may require you to assist financially with college tuition, or room and board, even if you had no intention to pay for your child’s post high school education while married.
Couples with older children should engage in some financial planning and asset protection in order to ensure that assets are passed along to the correct individuals. This would serve to prevent both court battles and bad feelings down the road. You don’t want your ex-spouses future husband or wife to receive money intended for your children. “A lifetime asset protection trust” will shield assets from the ex-spouses of your children in case they get divorced too.
Finally, if you have children under the age of 18 you should appoint a guardian of the person that is separate from the guardian of the estate, or the person in control of the money. A system of checks and balances always works best and eliminates empowering one individual with too much control.
Increased Living Expenses
The costs of living are considerably more when you’re single rather than when you share expenses with your spouse. Experts calculate living expenses are 40-50% higher when living alone. These additional expenses exist regardless of how old you are when you divorce. However, divorcing women have more to be concerned about because often household income drops 40% less after marriage. You may become responsible for a larger portion of other expenses such as health, medical and auto insurance.
In addition, if you end up with the marital home you will be responsible for unanticipated upkeep and repairs. Older houses especially can quickly turn into money pits, particularly if you can not do minor repairs yourself.
One thing is certain, if you don’t adjust to your new financial situation and learn to do more with less you may outlive your assets and realize that you don’t have enough income to support yourself in retirement.
Health Insurance
If you’ve been covered by your spouses’ health insurance policy you are probably in store for an unpleasant surprise. You have several short and long term health care options following divorce. You don’t become eligible for Medicare until age 65. COBRA allows you insurance coverage under your spouses’ employer policy for up to 36 months, however, the cost is expensive. Insurance under the Affordable Care Act may be your best option, and rates and coverage options differ by state. A legal separation may allow you to keep your ex’s employee insurance coverage while permitting you to separate other marital assets. However, health insurance laws and regulations are in a flux throughout the nation, and coverage available to people over age 50 is likely to change significantly in the years to come.
Knowing What You Owe
Everyone should get a reliable credit report prior to finalizing his or her divorce. Only this will detail your debt and guarantee there are no surprises. In a non–community property state such as North Carolina, you are only responsible for marital debt, or jointly held debt, as well as your own personal debt. However, unless you inquire you may find yourself entirely responsible for jointly held credit cards and business loans that you don’t even know about until its too late.
Ignoring Tax Consequences
Almost every financial decision you make during the divorce process involves tax consequences. Most individual circumstances are different, and what makes sense for you may not be the right choice for someone else. You need to consider the tax implications of a lump sum versus smaller monthly payments, or accepting a brokerage account versus a retirement plan, or who pays the capital gain taxes if you sell the house for a profit. Everyone should consult an accountant or tax advisor before making these decisions.
Retirement Accounts
Other than the family home, pensions, 401(k)’s and similar IRA pre-tax retirement funds may be the most significant asset a person over 50 owns. These funds are taxed or penalized upon early with drawl, and the account value is based upon maintaining the account until maturity. Therefore, the actual value and tax penalty of these retirement funds needs to be fully understood before you elect to receive them in exchange for other marital property such as real property and savings accounts. Early IRA with drawl penalties can be avoided if you protect the assets through a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO).
Monthly Maintenance and Social Security
Dependent upon the age and financial capacity of the divorced couple, regular monthly income may be more significant than the allocation of property. Maintenance or alimony is the regular monthly payment of money from one spouse to another. (alimony payments are permanent and maintenance is for a fixed period of time) This is a common means of compensating a spouse who has been out of the work force for a while, or a partner who earns less than the other. However, as divorcees get older the chance of your former spouse dying or becoming incapacitated increases significantly. Therefore, it is wise to protect oneself with a life insurance policy on your ex naming you as the beneficiary. You and no one else should own and control the policy.
Many older divorcing couples fail to consider their eligibility for social security benefits. If a couple has been married for in excess of ten years, at age 55 the spouse earning less money may be entitled to derivative social security benefits on the higher earning spouses employment record. The spouse claiming these benefits must remain unmarried. These derivative benefits create no negative impact on the social security benefits of the spouse earning less income. Furthermore, in marriages lasting ten plus years, if the former spouse dies, the surviving ex may be entitled to benefits as a survivor which is 100% of the deceased former partner’s benefits.
Go Back To Work
If you are retired, or unemployed, or underemployed, consider going back to work. Even part-time work can considerably help your financial situation, as well as improve your mental health. Social interaction with co-workers can be crucial for good mental health, and the income you earn can be used to support your daily living expenses. Unless you already have enough money to retire comfortably, it is smart to earn money while you are still physically able. Women on average are now living past the age of 80, and the longer you can put off spending your retirement funds the further they will stretch.
If you need to earn a degree, or receive specified training in order to get a job you need to consider your advanced age and earning potential. Of course you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, but from an economic perspective an expensive degree that takes years to achieve may not be the most practical decision. You want to earn as much as you can as soon as you can. If you have been out of the workplace for some time a career counselor, or employment coach, may be useful in compiling your resume and identifying your marketable business skills.
Consider Litigation Alternatives
Divorce can be very expensive and money spent by both parties could often times be better used on children, education, or funding retirement. Couples would be wise to attempt to compromise with one another prior to filing for divorce, and consider the multiple alternatives to litigation such as divorce mediation, arbitration and counseling. These alternatives to litigation are not only less costly, but are also more private and less time consuming.
Divorce mediation is a less formal and less stressful alternative to litigation where the couple sits with a highly trained mediator who attempts to find a common ground on property distribution, and maintenance issues, as well as child custody and visitation concerns. Mediators are skilled at applying the same standards and statutory guidelines set forth by the legislature. Often, mediators are called upon in the midst of the divorce litigation process in order to deal with specific child custody and visitation issues that arose apart from other issues in the pending divorce.
Parents of minor children should be aware that running into court on post divorce issues involving those children will likely have unintended consequences, and added expense. Judges faced with parents arguing over custody, visitation, child support and the well being of children, even older children, may elect to appoint a guardian for the minor.
Court appointed guardians investigate and explore the situation and act on behalf of the children. They are in essence attorneys for the children. Their fees and expenses are paid by the parents, and their opinions and recommendations are highly valued and given great weight by domestic relations judges. In addition, because of their obligation to the children and the court, they will probably prolong what otherwise appears to be a simple issue. This may result in the temporary suspension of visitation, or child support payments while the guardian gets up to speed with the issues and things get sorted out.
Furthermore, children of any age generally dislike seeing their parents fight in open court, and regardless of the outcome it creates a level of unhealthy hostility and animosity among the divorced family. Despite efforts to the contrary, children are inevitably asked to take sides in these disputes, and on rare occasions they may be forced to testify. The long term consequences this may have on the relationship with your older children can be enormous.
Finally, divorce attorneys and divorce professionals are not volunteers. Most divorce attorneys charge hourly fees in excess of $150 per hour. As much as they are genuinely nice and concerned with all aspects of your well-being, you should not treat them as you would a friend or relative, and call them every time your ex is 15 minuets late for a pick up, or a few hours late in making an alimony payment, or does something else you don’t like. That’s not to suggest you shouldn’t vent your feelings, or complain, just not to your attorney. Remember, he is charging you by the hour.
Consider Selling or Using a House as Rental Income
As said previously, the costs associated with up keeping older homes can be astronomical. Things that you happily did when you were young such as mowing lawns, trimming bushes, and cleaning gutters are chores that you may have to pay others to do as you get older. Not to mention the work and expense associated with unexpected events that affect all homeowners, such as storm damage, flooding and broken windows, as well as heaters, furnaces and air conditioners that always seem to need replacing. Is this something you can afford to deal with? Is it something you want to deal with?
Furthermore, recent times have taught all of us that real estate values are volatile and fluctuate continuously. The value in your home may not be what you think it is, and there is no guarantee it will be there tomorrow. In addition, despite decreased home values real estate taxes always seem to go up. Selling your home may free you from unwanted expenses and responsibilities, and provide needed income you can use now or place toward retirement.
Other options include converting your house to rental property, or obtaining a reverse mortgage. Many North Carolina homes would make very attractive rental properties, and can be easily and economically converted for this purpose. Real estate taxes, maintenance and up keep will remain your responsibility, but the income could be significant.
A reverse mortgage is a recent tool that has been created specifically for older people and may be a solution to some financial problems. It affords an older home owner to tap into a portion of the equity of your home without immediate repayment. The loan is repaid when you sell your home, or upon your death. Reverse mortgages are available to older married couples, as well as older single home owners.
Consider Counseling or Professional Help
You don’t have to go through divorce alone. It is stressful and painful. Remember unlike couples in their 20’s, a couple 50 and older going through a divorce typically has spent decades with one another, not just a few years. You have created an identity as a married person, and as part of a family, and now you are a single person. Likely, you have mutual friends, couples and groups of people that you have become close with over the years while married, and now as a single person those same people are awkward to be around. Often times this is more difficult for husbands who were brought into parent groups as a result of mother and children activities, and over time have made friendships with members of the group. After divorce many of these dads feel like cast outs, and now have a void where these relationships once existed.
Sometimes moving closer to family and relatives can provide much needed financial and emotional support. However, be advised that parents need court permission to remove a minor child out of state permanently, and this permission is not easy to get.
Avoiding Emotional Stress of Divorce on Older Children
Older children too may benefit from professional counseling. The effects of divorce on older children may be different than on younger ones, but your divorce is difficult on them too. You can lessen the impact of divorce on older children if you avoid doing certain things, but you need to listen to them and let them air their feelings.
Remember your children probably love both their parents. Do them a big favor and keep them out of your divorce. You should be truthful with them, but they don’t need to know the intimate details of your marriage, or the often ugly reasons that may have brought about your divorce. It is best to avoid placing them in situations that put them in the middle, or make them chose sides. Furthermore, it is very important to refrain from asking them for divorce advice, or making them your therapists. If you need someone to confide in, or complain to, speak with a friend, sibling, or get an actual therapist.
You should encourage your children to have a relationship with your ex, and don’t inundate them with questions about his or her new personal life. Its’ not your business any longer, and by doing so you may make your child feel uncomfortable.
Finally, don’t pity yourself in front of your kids, or let yourself become a burden to them. Learn how to do things for yourself. Cook your own meals, pay your own bills, search the web, learn new technologies, engage in activities, and do whatever you need to in order to take care of yourself, and thrive in your current situation.
Less Time To Recover
Age 50 is not considered old anymore, and a decision to get a divorce for whatever reason is a decision to change the direction of your life. It is the ending of an old chapter and a new beginning. However, unlike a divorce at age 25, a divorce over the age of 50 is riskier because you have considerably less time to recover from financial mistakes, as well as from mistakes made in your relationships with family and friends. Because the stakes are so high, do not try to do this on your own. Get professional legal, financial and psychological advice early on, and throughout the entire divorce process.
