When is the best time to tell my spouse? Should a third party be present? How will this affect our children?
How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want to End the Marriage Transcript
When and how do you have the conversation about ending the marriage? Boy, there’s no easy answer to this one. There is no good time to talk about divorce. The conversation though is really critical. It’s important. It sets the tone for how the divorce is going to go and if you have children, how your relationship is going to go with these kids. It’s awfully important to do it right.
I encourage you to be with a marriage counselor. Work on the marriage, try and save it. Do what you can to keep it going. If that’s not going to work, if you’ve given it your best shot and you can’t do it, then many marriage counselors will shift that marriage counseling into separation counseling. There you can begin to talk about how to deal with the financial issues and the property issues.
Most importantly you can work together on how to deal with the children. That’s where I find most parents can find common ground and use the separation counseling to move forward in the relationship.
While there’s no good time to have the conversation, when you have it you need to be prepared. You need to have your ducks in a row. You need to have thought through and planned about the children, and the money, and housing. Once you say, “Hey, I’m finished with this marriage. I don’t want to do it anymore,” things are going to start happening.
Things are going to start moving forward in one way or another. You don’t want to make this announcement without having your plans in place. So be thinking about who’s going to live where. If you’re going to stay in the house, great, but where’s your spouse going to go? If you’re going to move, where is it that you’re going? Have you got it lined up? Is it arranged? Money, do you have access to cash? Do you have what you need to make the move happen?
And finally, the children. Do you have a plan for them? In a lot of situations, when we’re in this state of limbo between separation and resolution the children get in this tug-of-war where the parents are arguing about where they ought to live. You need to have a plan for dealing with those children, and you need to be prepared for it to go in one of several possible ways.
While there is no wrong or right time to have the conversation, the key is that when you have the conversation be prepared. Be ready, be organized. Don’t let something come popping out of you without a plan. Have your plan in place and when you have the conversation you’ll be ready to make sure that you’re protected and that you’re in a position to take care of yourself.
