Stepmom. The word alone makes biological moms everywhere cringe. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. In fact, some moms and stepmoms get along perfectly well. While a happy partnership between moms and stepmoms isn’t feasible in every situation, the way you handle sticky situations can go a long way in improving your life, your kids’ lives and your family’s happiness.
It’s Not Really “Mom vs Stepmom”: Nobody Has to “Win”
Believe it or not, most stepmoms aren’t out to replace you. Many stepmoms are as confused about their new roles as you are, particularly if they already have children of their own, and the last thing they want is to supplant another mom.
She Only Has Your Ex’s Word to Go On
If you’re like most moms, you’ve never sat down and had a heart-to-heart with your kids’ stepmom. That means she doesn’t know you. She only knows what your ex has told her, and let’s face it: that’s probably not the most glowing review you’ve ever gotten. Her perception is probably a bit skewed, and the only way to fix that is by showing her you’re different.
Establishing Boundaries
While you don’t have to have a sit-down meeting with her, it’s a good idea to establish some boundaries with your ex’s support. Most psychologists suggest that stepparents should never discipline their stepchildren, so make sure you and your ex are on the same page. Additionally, if you’d prefer the kids coming to your house when their dad is busy to her watching them, let your ex know. As their father, it’s his responsibility—not his wife’s—to manage their care.
When to Involve Your Durham Divorce Lawyer
Your Durham divorce lawyer needs to know if your kids’ stepmom oversteps her bounds by:
- Bad-mouthing you in front of your children
- Physically disciplining your children
- Neglecting or abusing your children (physically or verbally)
- Exhibiting bad behaviors, such as using drugs or abusing alcohol
Use your best judgment on when to call your Durham divorce lawyer. If your kids’ stepmother is doing something that makes you or your children uncomfortable, try talking to your ex first; if she’s endangering them in any way, go straight to your lawyer to get legal advice on the situation. In the event that you and your ex cannot agree on something, the court may decide based on your children’s best interests.
