Stepmother. Stepdad. The words alone makes biological parents everywhere cringe. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. In fact, some parents and stepparents get along perfectly well. While a happy partnership between parents and their ex’s new partner isn’t feasible in every situation, the way you handle sticky situations can go a long way in improving your life, your kids’ lives, and your family’s happiness.
It’s Not Really “Parent vs Stepparent”: Nobody Has to “Win”
Believe it or not, most stepparents aren’t out to replace you. Many stepparents are as confused about their new roles as you are, particularly if they already have children of their own, and the last thing they want is to supplant another parent.
They Only Have Your Ex’s Word to Go On
If you’re like most parents, you’ve never sat down and had a heart-to-heart with your kids’ stepparent. That means they don’t know you. They only know what your ex has told them, and let’s face it: that’s probably not the most glowing review you’ve ever gotten. Their perception is probably a bit skewed, and the only way to fix that is by showing them that you’re different.
Establishing Boundaries
While you don’t have to have a sit-down meeting with them, it’s a good idea to establish some boundaries with your ex’s support. Most psychologists suggest that stepparents should never discipline their stepchildren, so make sure you and your ex are on the same page. Additionally, if you’d prefer the kids coming to your house when your ex is busy , let your ex know. As their other parent, it’s your ex’s responsibility—not that of the new spouse—to manage their care.
When to Involve Your Durham Divorce Lawyer
Your Durham divorce lawyer needs to know if your kids’ stepparent oversteps their bounds by:
- Bad-mouthing you in front of your children
- Physically disciplining your children
- Neglecting or abusing your children (physically or verbally)
- Exhibiting bad behaviors, such as using drugs or abusing alcohol
Use your best judgment on when to call your Durham divorce lawyer. If your kids’ stepparent is doing something that makes you or your children uncomfortable, try talking to your ex first; if they’re endangering them in any way, go straight to your lawyer to get legal advice on the situation. In the event that you and your ex cannot agree on something, the court may decide based on your children’s best interests.
