Many people have suggested that divorce is harder than the death of a spouse—but is it really? Your Durham divorce lawyer has probably seen some tough cases, especially those that include bitter child custody battles and domestic violence, that leave bitterness and anger long after the divorce is final. While grief is very real in each situation, in some ways divorce might be more difficult to deal with for some people.
Apples to Oranges: Comparing Death and Divorce
Without a doubt, divorce is one of the hardest things most people will ever deal with. The same goes for death. In most cases, psychologists say that divorce can’t be compared to the death of a spouse because the dynamics are vastly different and there isn’t one equal metric.
Yes, in both scenarios, you are losing a loved one who is very dear to you, but every divorce, just like every death, is completely different from another. Sometimes we know the loss is coming and we’ve been aware for a long time. Sometimes it happens out of nowhere unexpectedly. This doesn’t apply to just one of these two scenarios.
What Makes Divorce So Different than Death?
Let’s get into the differences. Unlike death, divorce is a willful decision made by one or both parties in a marriage. It’s often the result of one partner’s unhappiness, unfaithfulness, or a variety of other issues between both parties. A divorce marks the end of an unhappy relationship, while death doesn’t necessarily do that.
The after-effects of both scenarios are different, too; many people experience an outpouring of support after the death of a spouse, but after a divorce, each divorcé is often left alone. While a widower or widow is expected to take time to grieve, many divorced men and women are told to “move on” and start over.
What You Should Ask Your Durham Divorce Lawyer
In order for you to process your grief during divorce, you might want to try asking your divorce lawyer a few key questions. You’ll need to know how often you’ll have to deal with your ex (frequent contact can make coping more difficult), especially if you share children; you’ll probably want to find out how long it will be before your attorney hands you your signed, final paperwork.
You might also want to ask your divorce lawyer if he or she can refer you to a local counselor or therapist with experience in situations like yours. Talking to a third party can be incredibly therapeutic, helping you put your grief into perspective and allowing you the time you need to grieve over the loss of your marriage.
