When your ex won’t accept what’s happening and move on after you’ve initiated a divorce, you’re in a tough spot. You hope your ex will understand that you’re serious (after all, you’ve already retained a Durham divorce lawyer and started the process) and that you don’t want to hurt him or her, but it seems like your ex just isn’t getting the message. What can you do?
The short answer: Not much. Of course, you can stick to your guns and make sure you don’t send the wrong signals, but if your ex is in denial over your divorce, there are no magic words to speak or actions you can take that will convince him or her that it’s best for everyone to move on.
Sending the Right Signals
Once you’ve made the decision to divorce, make sure you’re sending your ex the right signals. Have a serious, face-to-face conversation in which you’re very clear and upfront to reiterate the fact that your marriage is over. Don’t leave the conversation with open-ended possibilities, like “Maybe someday my feelings will change,” because they can leave your spouse with hope for reconciliation.
Stop being intimate, don’t text or call just to chat, and avoid being your ex’s shoulder to cry on through tough times. If you don’t, you’re guilty of sending your spouse mixed signals: you said one thing, but are doing another, and it’s easy to see why he or she is too confused to let go of your relationship.
Be Respectful but Firm
It might seem easier to simply stop responding to texts and phone calls from your ex when he or she can’t accept your divorce, but it doesn’t usually work that way. Give your soon-to-be ex the courtesy of one—just one—face-to-face conversation to explain that your relationship truly is over. It’s usually a good idea to have this one-on-one in a public place to prevent emotional outbursts and keep both of you calm.
Stay firm during your conversation and don’t dwell on trivial details. Instead, stick to the big picture: your feelings have changed, and they won’t change back. If you get caught up on minor issues, you’ll give your spouse the impression that there’s something he or she can do to repair your relationship.
Talk to Your Durham Divorce Lawyer
Your Durham divorce lawyer needs to know if your spouse is in denial because it can affect the outcome of your case. As you and your lawyer work to resolve child custody, come up with an equitable distribution agreement and handle other common issues, your spouse might not be as willing to cooperate as one who has accepted the divorce as an inevitable event.
