Finding out that your spouse cheated can bring on a torrent of emotions, from shock and anguish to anger and desire for revenge. Many people wonder if they should’ve seen the signs, while others back up their gut feelings by hunting for evidence. You may have looked through your husband’s computer or checked your wife’s phone records, or your spouse may have simply said, “It’s over.”
It’s natural to have questions after you discover your spouse’s infidelity. You might wonder how you’ll support yourself, where your children will live and what equitable distribution really means. Since every case is different, you should only accept legal advice from your Durham divorce lawyer; he or she will be able to tell you how the law applies to your situation and help you understand your entitlements under North Carolina law.
Why “Teaching Your Ex a Lesson” is a Bad Idea
While you may relish the thought of exacting financial revenge on your ex, your Durham divorce lawyer will probably advise you to seek a fair settlement during your divorce. You don’t have to forgive your spouse, but in most cases, it’s in your best interest to help the divorce go as smoothly as possible. Creating a stir over “little things” or allowing your ex to get under your skin will only drag out your divorce and can cause you to lose ground quickly.
Keeping the Upper Hand
Dealing with a combative ex who has a new flame isn’t pleasant for anyone, including your attorney and the judge who oversees your case. If you appear calm, cool and collected after your spouse has betrayed you, you’ll automatically have the upper hand. Don’t blow it by sinking to your spouse’s level.
You Can Catch More Flies with Honey…
The law will probably not entitle you to all the marital property you’ve accrued over the years, but you have a better chance of getting what you want from your divorce if you’re nice. Your Durham divorce lawyer will help you calculate alimony, come up with fair terms for property division and talk to you about custody—and at the same time, he or she will encourage you to avoid fighting with your ex so you can come out on top.
