Once you’ve spoken to a Durham divorce lawyer about property division and child custody, you’re left with a big question: How do I tell the kids?
It’s never easy to tell your children that you’re getting a divorce, and teens may be the most daunting group. They’ll either slam some doors and sulk in their rooms or head off to be with friends, murmuring nasty words all the way out… right?
Not necessarily.
If you approach the subject carefully, you might be able to get your teens to open up to you when you tell them you’ve met with a Durham divorce lawyer and are taking steps to end your marriage.
While every teen will react differently, you might increase your chances of open dialogue and cut out some bitterness and anger if you know how to say what you need to say.
Keep it Together
If possible, you and your soon-to-be ex should break the news together. Your teen will see that you two are willing to work together when it comes to his or her needs. It’s okay to show emotion (in fact, it might be healthier for everyone involved), but make sure you stay on-target.
Don’t blame each other, because doing so can stir up resentment toward one or both of you, but do give generic information that they can process. You might try something like, “We’ve decided we have different goals, so we’ll be pursuing them on our own from now on.”
You might think your teen knows how much you love him or her, but this is the perfect time to reinforce it. Both you and your ex should reassure your child that although your spousal love changed, your parental love never will. Explain that no matter what, you will both always be there to love, support and care for them.
Describe What’s Next
Your teen is old enough to understand that his or her life is about to change, and uncertainty about the future is a terrible feeling to have, no matter how old you are. Give your teen all the answers you can so he or she can feel more confident about the effects of your divorce.
Tell your child you’ve met with a Durham divorce lawyer, who is working on a fair custody agreement, and describe your plan. Your teen will want to know where most of his or her days will be spent, how often they’ll see you or your ex, and whether they’ll be expected to move as part of the divorce.
Stay Open to Questions
Even though you’ll break the news in one sit-down conversation with your teen, new questions and concerns will crop up later. Let your child know that you and your ex will always be there to talk about the divorce (and anything else, for that matter) and that you’ll keep them updated as necessary. Naturally, you won’t provide them with everyday details after each meeting with your Durham divorce lawyer. However, it’s a good idea to keep them informed about things that affect them, like letting them know you’ve found a new apartment or that you’ll be picking them up on certain days.
