Many couples go through a trial separation (which is different from an official separation) to determine whether divorce is their best option.
Because no two marriages are alike, a trial separation can mean different things to different people.
Is there any way to tell whether your trial separation will end with you sitting across from a divorce lawyer?
When a Trial Separation is Not a Trial at All
In some cases, a trial separation is really just one partner’s way of getting out. It’s unfair to the spouse who’s unaware of the other’s true motives, but it happens.
As painful as it can be, you can prevent this by being honest. Share your true intentions with your spouse and don’t try to “soften the blow”. There’s a difference between letting someone down easy and keeping someone strung along hoping there’s a chance things might get better.
Trial Separations that Turn into Divorces
If you choose to do a test run of being single, bear in mind that it may eventually lead to divorce. Even if you and your spouse intend to get some space, you’ll have to be prepared to make your separation a way of life, at least temporarily. Work on experiencing what life is like when you focus on you and be honest with your feelings throughout the process. Sometimes we miss the feeling of being with someone more than we miss the actual person.
Do Trial Separations Ever Work?
Some trial separations have the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” effect on marriages. For some people, stepping back and reevaluating why they are married can actually prevent divorce. The most important thing is to be introspective and respectful during your separation. Your actions now will speak volumes when it comes time to evaluate whether to continue with your marriage or divorce.
If You Commit to a Trial Separation
Honesty is always the best policy—especially when you’re going into a trial separation. Whether you intend to strengthen your marriage or you’re not using the separation as a trial at all, it’s best to be up-front with your spouse. Set ground rules about dating (remember that it’s never a good idea to date someone else while you’re still married), about where your children will spend most of their time, and about who’s responsible for which financial obligations.
Consulting a Durham Divorce Lawyer Before a Trial Separation
It’s generally a good idea to talk with a Durham divorce lawyer before you attempt a trial separation. Because the laws that govern divorce in North Carolina can be tough to decipher, it’s best to get an attorney’s advice in case the separation doesn’t bring you closer together, or if your spouse has requested a trial separation as an easy way to get you out of the house.
