Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
Understanding Mediation and Divorce in North Carolina
Mediation offers couples and parents a structured way to resolve disputes respectfully and privately, without the time and cost of a courtroom battle. It is one of the most effective tools for reaching fair agreements about property, custody, and support while maintaining more control over the outcome.
What Is Mediation?
Mediation is a voluntary and confidential process where both spouses meet with a neutral third party (the mediator) to discuss issues and work toward a settlement. It’s often less adversarial than litigation and gives couples the chance to shape their own solutions.
The mediator does not make decisions or take sides. Instead, their role is to:
- Help each spouse express their needs and concerns
- Encourage communication and compromise
- Guide the couple toward realistic, legally sound agreements
Why Choose Mediation?
Mediation has several key advantages:
- Saves time and money – It’s usually faster and far less expensive than going to court.
- More control – You and your spouse decide what’s fair, not a judge.
- Less stress for families – Especially important when children are involved.
- Privacy – Mediation sessions are confidential; court hearings are public.
- Better compliance – People are more likely to follow agreements they helped create.
Couples in Wake, Durham, Chatham, Johnston, and Orange counties often use mediation to resolve property division, child custody, child support, and alimony disputes before finalizing their divorce.
When Is Mediation Required?
In North Carolina, some mediation is required by law, particularly when children are involved:
Custody Mediation: All counties, including Wake, Durham, Orange, Chatham, and Johnston, require parents to participate in court-ordered custody mediation before a judge will decide custody or visitation.
Financial Mediation: When spouses can’t agree on dividing property or debts (known as equitable distribution), the court may require financial mediation before trial.
Each county has slightly different procedures and local rules for scheduling mediation sessions, but the general process is similar across North Carolina.
The Mediation Process in North Carolina
Here’s what typically happens in a mediation session:
- Introduction – The mediator explains the process and ground rules.
- Information sharing – Each spouse presents their perspective and priorities.
- Issue discussion – The mediator helps clarify goals and identify points of agreement or disagreement.
- Negotiation – The parties explore possible compromises, with the mediator’s guidance.
- Agreement – If consensus is reached, the mediator or attorneys draft a written settlement or parenting plan.
Agreements reached in mediation can be incorporated into your final divorce judgment or approved by the court as binding orders.
Choosing a North Carolina Mediator
Many mediators are certified by the North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission. They may have backgrounds in law, counseling, finance, or social work.
When selecting a mediator, consider:
- Experience with family law and divorce cases
- Training and certification
- Comfort level and communication style
- Familiarity with your county’s local court procedures
Courts in Wake, Durham, Orange, Chatham, and Johnston counties maintain lists of approved mediators, or your attorney can recommend one suited to your situation.
Cost of Mediation
Mediation costs vary depending on the mediator’s fees and the number of sessions needed.
Private mediation: Usually charged by the hour, but still far less expensive than litigation.
Court-ordered mediation: Often has standardized fees or income-based adjustments.
Many families resolve all major issues in one or two sessions, saving thousands in legal costs compared to a trial.
When Mediation May Not Be Appropriate
Mediation isn’t right for everyone. It may not be suitable if:
- There’s a history of domestic violence or abuse
- One spouse refuses to participate in good faith
- There’s a major imbalance of power or information between spouses
In those cases, a court hearing or arbitration may be safer or more effective. Judges can waive mediation requirements for good cause.
NC Mediation Resources
- Collaborative Divorce
- What Is Mediation?
- How to Avoid Court in a Divorce
- Should I Arbitrate My Divorce?
- How to Reach an Agreement in a Successful Mediation
- What Mediation Can Do For You
- How to Prepare to Meet With a Divorce Lawyer
- Things You Should Absolutely Do Before You Divorce
- Surviving Divorce: What You Should Know
Helpful Tools for NC Divorce
- Ask an Attorney
- Alimony Calculator
- Child Support Calculator
- Custody eCourse
- Divorce eCourse
- Separation Agreement eCourse
- Sample Separation Agreement
- Webinar
Local NC Court Resources
NC Mediation FAQs
Both spouses hire attorneys who have agreed to the principle of collaborative law and have signed a Collaborative Law Participation Agreement which states that the attorneys hired are there for the purpose of negotiating a settlement and to prevent going to court. If a couple ever decides to litigate, they must hire new attorneys.
Yes. You should meet with an experienced divorce law attorney who can explain your rights, review the facts of your case, explain applicable law, and help you to understand how mediation and/or arbitration can work best for your case.
Your lawyer can help you to select a mediator or, if in court, a judge can appoint one. Mediators can be lawyers, mental health professionals, clergy, and other trained professionals. You and your spouse should both trust the mediator since this individual is going to help you to communicate through your differences. A divorce law firm may have attorneys trained in mediation but that do not act as certified mediators. You should hire a trained attorney to work with your certified mediator.
Both spouses hire attorneys who have agreed to the principle of collaborative law and have signed a Collaborative Law Participation Agreement which states that the attorneys hired are there for the purpose of negotiating a settlement and to prevent going to court. If a couple ever decides to litigate, they must hire new attorneys.
Couples can agree to mediate their case at any point; however, in many states, mediation is required by the court after a lawsuit has been filed. For example, North Carolina requires couples to attend mediation before a trial on child custody or equitable distribution.
You and your spouse can agree to arbitration or it can be court ordered.
Unless agreed otherwise by the participants, the decision is binding and will become a court order. You can always request the order to be vacated, modified, or corrected if the decision fails to meet certain criteria.
Nothing in the Collaborative Law Participation Agreement stops a party from terminating the collaborative law process to pursue litigation. However, the parties will have to hire new attorneys to help with litigation.
If already in litigation, you and your attorney will continue negotiation as well as prepare for trial. If working on a mediated agreement, you can try other alternatives, such as arbitration or collaborative law, or you can file a lawsuit.
Before You Go
Grab our free guide on the 7 steps you need to take before you leave the marital residence. There are several factors specific to the law in North Carolina that should figure into your decision on if and when you should leave the house.
