There are all kinds of lists out there that include dozens of things you should never say to your kids. Don’t over-encourage. Don’t embarrass. Don’t skirt the truth. Don’t say “maybe” when you really mean “no.”
But beyond those lists, there isn’t much to guide you when your kids are reeling from divorce.
While you’re meeting your Raleigh divorce lawyer, working and handling other obligations, your kids are thinking. They’re thinking about your divorce, what it means for their lives and wondering how everything will pan out… and they’re interpreting everything you say.
The 4 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child During Divorce
All of us say things we regret, but there are four major “don’ts” when you’re talking to your kids during or after divorce.
“This is your fault.”
While it seems like a no-brainer, it’s worth mentioning. Kids are already wondering if your divorce is their fault, and if you say it, you can’t take it back.
“Tell your mom…” or “Tell your dad…”
Passing messages to your ex through your child is the wrong way to communicate. It teaches kids that they’re a go-between and might even make them feel like they’re a part of the problem.
“Because I said so!”
We’re all guilty of this one, but it can cause serious damage. What you’re really saying to your child is, “You don’t have any control or input over what your environment, and I can’t be bothered to give you an explanation.”
“Stop with the questions, already!”
While hearing the same questions over and over can be pretty trying, remember that your child doesn’t have the experience you have. He or she only has one way to get information, and that’s by asking you. You might be uncomfortable responding, especially if your little one is asking tough questions about your child custody agreement or other divorce-related topics, but giving age-appropriate answers is always the best solution.
When to Involve Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer
If you believe your ex is saying all the wrong things to your kids and potentially causing them psychological harm, let your Raleigh divorce lawyer know. He or she might be able to take steps to provide their rights under North Carolina law.
