Innocent spouses are accused of cheating all the time—and it’s simply not fair. If those accusations land you in a Raleigh divorce lawyer’s office, the emotions you’re experiencing can be tough to deal with. In many cases, the accusations stem from one person’s insecurities; in others, they’re sort-of a diversion tactic that’s designed to keep you from becoming suspicious of the accuser’s dirty deeds.
Psychologists suggest that most accusers believe their spouses are cheating (or convince themselves of it later), even if the accusations are completely false.
“I’m Not Unfaithful, but My Spouse Accused Me of Cheating.”
Mary* was completely shocked when her husband, Justin*, accused her of cheating. He’d found a fast-food bag in her car, and knowing that Mary was a bit of a health nut, assumed the bag was left behind after a midday rendezvous. Despite Mary’s protests, Justin insisted; no matter how much she argued, she couldn’t convince him that she’d stopped for lunch after spending the morning shopping alone.
Doug* and Renee* never saw eye-to-eye on “alone” time; he wanted to fish, tinker with cars and spend a few hours by himself on occasion. After a decade of marriage, Doug started taking alone time whenever he pleased; Renee was convinced he was seeing someone else. Doug couldn’t prove that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and Renee couldn’t prove that he was—but the suspicion snowballed until the trust had completely eroded in their relationship.
Arguing Won’t Make it Better
You know better than anyone that you didn’t do anything wrong. However, arguing your point may not do much but agitate the situation. Most experts recommend marriage counseling—but naturally, that only works if both parties are interested.
If your spouse has completely tuned you out and you’re definitely headed for divorce, it’s not your fault.
That’s easier to say than it is to accept, but it’s true.
The Psychology of an Innocent Person’s Guilt
Despite the fact that you’re not a cheater, you might still be feeling guilty on some level. Guilt that you couldn’t do more to convince your spouse of your innocence; guilt that you may have considered cheating at one point but never followed through; guilt that you’re leaving a marriage over something that never happened.
Freeing Yourself from Negativity
In order to free yourself from the guilt and negative emotions surrounding the unfair accusations your spouse has leveled at you, you’ll have to start by recognizing that your spouse, not you, is the one who created the situation you’re both in now.
How Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer Can Help
If you and your spouse are having a hard time cooperating and can’t agree on major issues, your attorney might recommend working through a mediator. A mediator can help you settle on a custody agreement that works for your whole family and assist you with other important decisions, as well.
It’s hard to regain your emotional footing after something like this happens. If you’re having a tough time, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral to a local counselor or therapist who can help you deal with the emotions you’re feeling so that you can move on to a happier, healthier (and guilt-free) life.
*Names have been changed
