Couples often agree on where the kids will live, property division and other issues, but there’s one issue that rarely comes up: who gets custody of your friends when you divorce? Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can’t put friendship into your divorce decree, so you’ll have to hammer out the details on your own. Sometimes, both parties can maintain the friendships they cultivated as a couple and get regular visitation—but that’s not always the case.
Premarital Friends and Post-Marital Friends
Usually, your pre-marriage friends will stick with you through your divorce. They’ve known you longer than they’ve known your spouse, so the default friendship is generally yours.
On the other hand, friends you and your ex made together might have a tough time dividing you into two separate entities rather than a couple. It’s natural for friends to take sides, even if they don’t want to admit it (and even if you think they’re on the wrong one).
When Friends Disappear
Many divorced couples find that their friends scatter once the news breaks. Psychologists point to several reasons that your pals might scamper, from worry over your divorce being “contagious” to not knowing where their loyalties should lie. Others might simply be absorbed in their own lives and dread hearing about your divorce, while still others might not know what to say to you.
Keeping Friendship Alive
You’re busy during your divorce, and you might lose track of time. However, it’s important to keep in touch with your friends so they know you’re doing okay and still want to stay involved with them.
A note of caution, though: while it’s tempting to make every phone call and every conversation about you and your problems, doing so can be damaging to friendships.
Make sure you remember that your friends have their own lives, their own problems and their own kids. Take some time to listen to what’s going on with your friends so they don’t feel like your relationship is totally one-sided.
Turn to Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for Help
Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has worked with several people in situations like yours. Although each case is unique, your attorney has probably seen couples who are good at maintaining friendships with others and couples who are left in the cold, friendless. Based on his or her experiences with past clients, your Raleigh divorce lawyer might be able to provide you with the name and contact information of a local counselor or therapist who can help you through this tough time and give you pointers on maintaining solid friendships.
