Grief is a very individual process. It’s a stage that most people experience during and after divorce, and it’s completely normal. There’s no set time for grieving to begin, nor is there a set duration until it ends. Grief ends when you’re ready for it to end, and not a moment before. There are five stages of grief, according to many psychologists, but they don’t always occur in the same order. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has probably seen individuals in each stage of grief during the divorce process, so he or she is very familiar with what you’re going through and can provide the best (and most compassionate) legal advice based on your unique needs.
Denial
One stage of grief is denial. Whether you believe that your spouse won’t actually go through a divorce or that you don’t have to cooperate with what the court orders, denial is a common theme during divorce. It’s a perfectly normal and temporary defense mechanism that helps people cope with sudden changes.
Anger
Generally, once initial shock has faded, people become angry. However, everyone experiences anger in different ways; one person may become angry at his ex-spouse, while another gets angry at her ex-mother-in-law. Another person may be angry with herself, while someone else might get angry at the situation he perceives as having caused the divorce.
Bargaining
In order to regain control of the situation, most people try to create a scenario that makes sense. “If-only” statements are characteristic of the bargaining stage of grief, like “If only I had asked him about his day more often,” and “If only we’d tried marriage counseling one more time…” Some people also attempt to make a deal with a higher power during the bargaining stage. For example, a person may say that they’ll start attending church, stop smoking or stop drinking if their higher power will bring their former spouse back.
Depression
Sadness, worry and regret are normal types of depression associated with grief. People are often overwhelmed by missing their spouse, worry about whether they’ll do well on their own and regret the series of choices that brought them to divorce. However, if you experience depression that affects your everyday abilities to work, concentrate or enjoy things you normally enjoy, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral to a local counselor who can help you begin to heal.
Acceptance
Eventually, most people come to accept—and even embrace—the fact that they’re no longer married… even people who thought they’d never bounce back.
It’s normal to bounce back and forth between stages. One day, you may experience the depression stage; the next, anger. There is no exact pattern that grief follows in everyone, and the best thing you can do is recognize it for what it is and allow yourself to work through it in your own time.
